Progress being Made

I think our intern Ezra has made some decent progress. He sent us this photo, however if he doesn't make progress we will have to terminate him. We can't have people talking to the FBI after all. 

Damn! Spring Breakers

So, we just received word after two days since we recruited Ezra to help us out with the Alan Gator project. Apparently he had a hard time with the car rentals as they were all out car because these darn Spring Breakers we're getting drunk and crashing all the potential cars in sight. He then ran out of money, and had to do his expedition on a old bicycle he rummaged off of Craigslist for 57 dollars.

Part of us is debating whether we should blame those Darn Spring Breakers, or ourselves for allowing ourselves to believe this Ezra was actually semi-competent.

We'll give him four more hours before we terminate him.

NEW Intern!

I think a congratulations is in order as today we just finally recruited our intern for the Alan Gator Expedition, a young boy by the name of Ezra M. Rahmey who we are sure is more than qualified to take care of this expedition....He leaves for Florida tonight.

Wish him luck!

Still Looking...

We're still looking for the very best carry out this mission...

EXPEDITION

So, thankfully we've gotten over a thousand or so applicants for the prestigious internship to Florida for the Expedition to Florida... unfortunately none of them were as qualified or revered as extended, so please continue sending in applications and asking friends to send in applications as we're looking for the very best for this prestigious expedition. 

LIKE OUR FACEBOOK PAGE!

LIKE OUR FACEBOOK PAGE

https://www.facebook.com/HoraceSteppPI

EXPEDITION PART TWO...

IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FLYER LYING AROUND (And chances are you have, we've posted over 750,000 all over America) 


DON'T HESITATE TO APPLY, we are  accepting all types of applicants...even women. 

EXPEDITION...

Time to offers some great news, our company was just given a large sum of money to fund one very special someone who is going to head over to Florida and help find the half-man, half-alligator hybrid we've been searching for for months before the government gets its hand on it and uses it for nasty experiments.

If anyone is interested, please send us your resume, cv, a five-page essay detailing us why you're perfect for the job, three letters of recommendation and 500 dollars in a post dated check. 

Lab Results are in...

Our Labs have finally analyzed the alligator leather and have discovered that only a portion (3%) of the leather is in fact aunthetic alligator leather. Below is the makeup of the alligator leather that we discovered in Vernon, Kansas, a while back.

3% - Alligator Skin

47% - Rubber

13% - Silicon

9% - Gum Extract

34% - Corn Meal

3% - Human Flesh

There are only three possibilities to this makeup...

1. The Factory that is making this leather is manufacturing human skin for its ultra sleek shine
2. The Laboratory made a mistake (however this is highly unlikely, so there is no reason to even put this here. 
3. The Factory that is producing this leather is unknowingly using leather from human-alligator hybrids that were created as a result of nuclear testing in Orlando in the 1950's pre-Disney world age, who have migrated to live with their reptilian brethren in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida. 

ALLIGATOR LEATHER

Alligator - Human Leather Hybrid?

A Close up of the leather, for all of you wondering and curious as to this strange leather we were talking about. 

Authentic Alligator Leather 

If you look close at the two pictures you will notice a tremendous different in the two images. 

Strange Alligator Leather procures Stranger Questions.

I believe that this is the year. The year we will finally discover the real mystery behind Alan Gator, the half human - half alligator hybrid. I only learned about Alan Gator recently. When I was in Vernon, Kansas searching for the three eyed pig that never was a few months ago, I came across a very strange piece of alligator leather in the mother's closet. Unique is understatement. I couldn't figure out what type alligator leather this was, so naturally we sent this to our laboratories and had them analyze the contraband alligator leather.